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Understanding Child Support Mediation: A Guide for Parents

Going through separation or divorce can be an incredibly painful time, especially when children are involved. Trying to determine custody arrangements and child support, for instance, often leads to intense conflict between parents. This stressful situation can take a major toll on the entire family.

According to a 2022 study, 38% of women and 18.7% of men with children under 18 went through a stressful and complicated divorce process due to issues related to child support and custody. However, there is a better way to establish child support than an expensive court battle – mediation.

This guide will provide divorcing or separating couples with a deeper understanding of how child support mediation works and how it can help create win-win solutions for the entire family. Read on.

What is child support mediation?

Child support mediation is a process where separating or divorcing parents meet with a professional mediator to negotiate child support. With mediation, you and your co-parent work together to come to a child support agreement, but you have the guidance of a trained mediator there to facilitate the process.

Sure, sitting down with your ex can feel daunting, but the mediator’s role is to create a safe space where you can thoughtfully discuss the needs of your children above all else.

The mediator will ensure you both feel respected and heard, redirect any unproductive conflicts, and help you compromise. It is so important that this decision comes from both of you collaboratively, not mandated by a court. Remember, no one else understands your family’s finances and what your children need better than you.

So, if you’re going through divorce or separation, consider seeking the services of a family mediator to help you through the process. Mediation services by Boycelaw and other reputable practices in your region can be valuable resources for you and your co-parent as you make choices on child support.

How does the mediation process work?

Here are the typical steps in a child support mediation session:

  • Initial individual meetings: The mediator will separately meet with each parent first to explain the process, establish ground rules, and gather background information. During this part, parents can voice their concerns privately.
  • Joint mediation session: The parents come together to negotiate face-to-face, with the mediator guiding the discussion. The mediator shall remain neutral and does not take sides.
  • Private meetings: If tensions run high, the mediator may hold private sessions by meeting with each parent separately to give them time to cool down. But the goal will be to bring you back together to negotiate face-to-face again.
  • Negotiate agreement: Parents work together to bargain and compromise, with the mediator’s help, until they reach a shared solution.
  • Written agreement and court approval: Once you’ve worked diligently to reach a shared solution you both find acceptable, the agreement will be written up, signed, and submitted to the court for approval. If approved by a judge, the agreement becomes legally enforceable.

What gets decided in child support mediation?

Mediation allows you and your co-parent to work out the specifics of how you’ll continue providing for your children’s needs, even though you’re now in separate households. Some of the key issues determined during child support mediation include:

  • The amount of the child support payment
  • Which parent will pay (and which will receive) child support
  • The schedule and method of payment
  • Which expenses will be shared (health insurance, extracurricular activities, etc.)
  • How the agreement will be reviewed/adjusted in the future
  • How parents will file taxes regarding their children
  • Other arrangements like visitation schedules

Most of these decisions can feel overwhelming, but the mediator is there to guide you through each topic calmly and make sure all your concerns are voiced.

What are the benefits of mediation?

The mediation process can be intimidating if you’re unsure what to expect. However, there are many advantages to resolving child support through mediation rather than litigation:

  • As per research, divorce cases that were mediated cost 40% to 60% less than the litigated ones. Another source also says that divorce mediation takes less time compared to traditional divorce processes that last at least a year or longer. This means that mediation is faster and less expensive than going through lengthy court proceedings.
  • Parents can craft customized agreements rather than being bound by state guidelines. And the improved communication between you and your ex will benefit your children immensely. Kids do best when parents work cooperatively.
  • Compromise helps parents reach fair agreements everyone can live with. Reaching compromises you both feel good about means no one has to feel like a loser.
  • Parents make the decisions instead of putting it in a judge’s hands. Taking a collaborative approach gives you more control over the outcome as well.
  • Unlike public court records, mediation is confidential and private.

Knowing you have a neutral mediator, you’ll be able to focus on practical problem-solving versus getting entrenched in emotions. In the end, mediation facilitates effective co-parenting moving forward.

When is mediation not appropriate?

Mediation is voluntary – both parents must willingly agree to participate for it to work. It also requires both parents to negotiate in good faith. However, mediation may not be suitable if:

  • One parent refuses to provide financial disclosure.
  • One parent tries to intimidate or threaten the other.
  • One parent is completely unwilling to compromise.
  • There are allegations of abuse.
  • Drug, alcohol, or mental health issues would prevent meaningful participation.
  • An extreme power imbalance exists between parents.

In these cases, going through the traditional court system may be necessary, though a judge could still order mediation.


Going through mediation requires maturity, compromise, and commitment from both parents for the children’s sake. But the rewards can be extremely worthwhile. With the guidance of a trained mediator, couples can avoid an exhausting legal battle, come up with a win-win solution, and make the best choices for their family.